Final round up of 2023 and New Year goals for 2024

[galadhir]

My most important goals for 2023 were to paint Son's boat (and thus reassure myself that it wasn't in imminent danger of falling apart due to rust) and to see him settled with some kind of job with which he could support his immediate needs.

Both of those were achieved. We stripped and painted the boat over the summer, and in doing so discovered that the rust was largely superficial and the structure of the boat was sounder than I had feared.

We also stripped and painted the fresh water tank, which had been so full of rust I was worried that it was going to rust through at any moment and flood the bilges. And it turned out that it too was sounder than I had feared. It will have to be done again every year for several years running to fully eliminate the rust, but the boatyard men were not concerned about it, and as long as we keep on top of it, it should be fine.

Son is now installed in permanent mooring and has found a temporary job which will keep him (heh) afloat while he looks for something better.

I can therefore go into 2024 without the family-related stress and dread that was such a feature of late 2022 and the entirety of 2023.

I shouldn't say things like that because it tempts fate, but as of 1/1/2024 that is the situation. So I can turn my thoughts to 2024 with that ticked off at least.

Goals for 2024

Family-related goals this year

• Help Daughter/Fiance arrange their wedding.
• Help Son get the boat re-blacked, water tank stripped and re-painted, bow decoration painted, and engine idle finally fixed

Personal goals

I looked on the internet for 'Fun New Year Resolutions' and could not find any. Apparently you're not supposed to make resolutions to have more fun. You're supposed to be grinding away at exercise and work as though we weren't all already doing the best we could.

I can't make resolutions about health because I am now aware that if your health decides to bork you, there is nothing you can do about it. This will be the first year, I think, where I go into it fully aware of being chronically ill, and how that means that I no longer even have the illusion of control.

So, my goals are going to be small. And they're not going to be resolutions, because I am not resolved to do them if it turns out I can't. They're more like guidelines.

• Write a new original novel. I've signed up for gywo to do the 120 days pledge, which means that for at least 120 days of this year I will work on something to do with my new novel.
• Finish podficcing at least my major Tolkien fanfics
• Get to the point where I can cycle three times a week and dance twice a week without triggering a flare-up. (I have been cycling three times a week with no trouble for years, and have just about managed to fit in one dance class with only the occasional flare. I have the feeling that increasing to a second dance class a week will require a lot of patience and care. But I think I can get there if I do it gradually enough.)
• Learn how to cook good vegan food. Now I'm dairy intolerant I have to learn to cook again. As I've always loved Asian food, this is a great excuse to learn to make Thai/Korean/Japanese food myself. It's healthy, it's gorgeous, why wouldn't I? (Also vegan desserts, and - dammit - I want a cheese scone again, even if it's vegan cheese.)
• Sew all the things
• Start Roses & Castles painting again
• Learn something difficult. It may be time for me to try maths again, or coding, or a language. Or playing the melodeon with the bases. Something that does not come to me naturally.

That will do, I think :)

Comments

[hoarmurath]

All of this sounds amazing, and I agree with you about exercise and work, haha.

A good point about health resolutions! My illness is a bit different, but it is also something total that I can't really subvert. I wish the best for you with it, though.

Sew all the things is also a small goal of mine, I have some commissions to finish and a countless amount of personal projects.

PS. I would be overjoyed if I had a parent who genuinely considered helping me do something important as one of their goals of the year. I've never really had that, so I think your kids are really lucky and I hope they let you know.

[galadhir]

Thank you! I do worry that I'm a bit of a helicopter parent, but I don't see why they should have to struggle if I can help them in any way. My mum was the same, and I did consider myself very fortunate in her. And yeah, my kids will occasionally text out of the blue and say 'I've found this amazing restaurant, you must come and try it!' or 'we thought we'd get tickets for [whatever] do you want to come?' So they clearly don't mind having us around, which makes me feel very lucky.

I wish you the best with your health, even if it's just a matter of being able to bear with it cheerfully, and I hope the sewing is a lot of fun :)

[hoarmurath]

There is one person who I know who has a similar relationship with her kids, and it's pretty rare. So I think you're doing it right. :)

(She's sort of become family to me as well, she's actually my friend's partner's mother, but I catsit her cat and we do stuff together. So.)

And thank you for that! It's certainly A Thing, but I am trying to be good to myself and just accept that a lot of health advice won't quite hit the spot for me. I have ADHD so it's not a chronic illness, but it does actually affect literally everything. This year I am giving myself permission to live my way and not try to force myself to live like neurotypical people think I should.

[galadhir]

Thank you! That's good to hear :) I'm glad you've got a supportive parental figure even if she's not technically related. Doing stuff together and sharing cats sounds like family to me.

Oh goodness! My daughter has ADHD and my son has autism - and I strongly suspect that I might be somewhere on that spectrum too - so you have my sympathy. It's very hard figuring out how to function in a world that doesn't work in a way you can cope with. I 100% agree that the best way to cope is to work with what you've got and not try to conform to a way of doing things that doesn't work for you. Lots of things turned around for me when I gave up trying to do things 'right' and started doing them my way. I hope you find the same :)

[hoarmurath]

I mean, they're said to have a genetic link...and my half-brother has autism too. We share the same mother. My second sibling is also...well. I don't know, if diagnosable, but an interesting person.

Yeah, I am going to try doing things my way and actually see how I feel about it, because no neurotypical advice ever works, they just don't get how I can't "just save money" or "just get up with your first alarm" or "just do this thing and the other thing and also this thing".

[galadhir]

My daughter found a book or possibly YouTube channel person who had just put out a book all about how to run a house (keep things relatively clean and put away etc) with ADHD. She found it invaluable. I know she told me about it and I thought I even bought the book, but I can't now find it anywhere (heh.) Would you like me to ask her again so I could pass it on?

[hoarmurath]

Yes, please! I would appreciate that. :D

[galadhir]

It's this one: How to keep house while drowning by KC Davis and Daughter says that the website is good too, with some free resources that she found useful.

[hoarmurath]

Thank you very much! :) I will check it out.